Les Poissons
by JulietGivesUp
Summary: Another one of his spells had gone wrong and England finds himself as a crab trapped in France's kitchen.Just a little short parody based on the song "Le Poisson" from Disney's The Little Mermaid. Chef!France.


**Le Poisson**

England peeked out sneakily from behind one of the cupboards. His tiny little body was agile enough to prevent being caught sight of, however the world suddenly seemed so much larger now that he was the size of a crab.

Well…let me rephrase that. You see, he _was _a crab, and a certainly good looking one at that. Another one of his spells had gone wrong and it was a great mystery even for him how he, unluckily, ended up in France's kitchen. It was yet another unfortunate circumstance that France himself was cooking up a storm in his beloved kitchen. The quaint, little English crab risked one more peep before shuffling closer to a large spice jar located close to the window.

'_At this rate, I'll be out of here in a jiff without that stupid frog ever noticing,' _he thought. He snickered arrogantly to himself and praised his cleverness.

England was only a couple steps out the window when he heard the Frenchman break out into a loud song. He suddenly turned back from his escapade and there indeed was France holding a large bowl of fish (salmon, England supposed) and swaying his hips in a ridiculous way. England attempted to refrain from breaking out into hysterical laughter. '_Escaping can wait a little later. This is absolutely hilarious!' _he laughed in his head as he scuffled with his little crab legs closer to the table to get a better view.

"_Les poissons, les poissons_

_How I love les poissons!"_ France picked up one of the fish and set it on the table.

_Love to chop and to serve little feesh~ _

_First I cut off zer heads _

Then he unexpectedly pulled out what looked like a cleaver and chopped the fish's head clean off. The impact of the large blade on the table made England jump. He turned a sickly shade of green, however France continued mercilessly on.

_Zen I pull out zee bones_

_Ah mes oui, savez toujours delice_

The very scene made him want to hurl. It was a little odd because he had no problem eating fish at all (with his favorite food being fish and chips, of course) but perhaps this was how one would feel if his own fellow marine comrade was chopped off into little bits by an insane French cook.

_Les poissons, les poissons_

_Hee hee hee, hon hon hon!_

_Wiz a cleaver I hack zem in two~ _**BAM!**

_I pull out whaz inzide!_** FWIP! **

_And I serve it up fried! _**SIZZLE~**

_God, I love little feeshes, zon't vou? _

By this time, England was all the more eager to get out of the dreadful kitchen. He made a run to the window but France's cleaver continued chopping and the pan kept sizzling filling the room with the most appetizing, yet hideous odor.

_Here's something for tempting ze palette_

_Prepared in zee classic technique_

_First vou pound zee feesh flat wiz a malette~ _**Squish!**

_Zen vou slash off zer skin! _**FLICK!**

_Give zer belly a slice! _**SLIP! **

_Zen you rub some salt in_

_'Cause it makes it taste nice~ _

France paused to grab some more salt from the jar England was frightfully hiding behind. He caught a glimpse at poor old England and swiped him off the table. "_Zoot alors, I have missed one!" _he exclaimed.

_Sacre bleu, whaz iz zis?_

_How on earth could I miz_

_Such a sweet little succulent crab~_

_Quel Domage, whaz a loss!_

_Here we go, in ze sauce! _France gave the crab a big smooch before tossing it into a sweet smelling mixture.

_Now zom flour I zink just a dab _

White powder was sprinkled onto the confused England as he sneezed it off.

'_What next?' _England mused irritably. Unfortunately he was about to find out for the song was not yet done. The blonde, blue-eyed Frenchman picked him up and crammed something in his shell.

_Now I stuff you wiz bread_

_Zon't worry, 'cause you're dead!_

_And you're certainly lucky you are! _

_'Cause iz gonna be hot in my big silver pot!_

_Tout-aloo mon poisson_

_Au revoir!_

Oh, the horror! England was flung onto a boiling, hot pot. Clinging to the edge of the steel, he desperately pulled himself out for his dear life. France noticed this and picked the crab out by its shell.

"Hmm…what iz zis?" he pondered looking closer at the crustacean.

England panicked and pinched his attacker's nose with his great pincers. France instantly dropped him shrieking, "Ahh! My beautiful nose!"

The Brit hightailed out of France's kitchen before the Frenchman could start singing the disturbing song once more.

* * *

><p><strong>It's just a short parody from "Disney's The Little Mermaid." The song is called "Le Poisson" (The Fish). Hope you enjoyed it!<strong>


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